Anxiety Attack About Vacation
Yes, you read that right. I, in fact, had an anxiety attack about booking my vacation to Mexico. Anxiety is seriously the best... The night we booked our vacation I was feeling excited, happy, and also realizing that I needed to start working out. Later in the night I started to feel anxious and petrified. How dare I book a vacation at a resort that is not pet friendly! What would my emotional support dog, Eevee, be doing those five days I would be gone?
Who would take care of her? How would she be able to take care of me? What if she hated me for leaving her? What if she ran away and no one could find her? What if another dog hurt her? What if I never got to see her again all because I wanted to take a vacation? What was I thinking booking a vacation for myself and my husband and not her? She is going to run away. She is going to get hurt. She will never be able to support me after I abandon her. I can't imagine having a life without her.
That's pretty much all the thoughts that ran through my head in the matter of a minute. That's what anxiety looks like from the point of view of my thoughts. The point of view of my body is a completely different story. It's not a pretty story. I sprinted across our home to go find my husband and tell him we needed to cancel the trip. He knew exactly what was going on. He knew what to do to make it eventually stop. Fast forward a bucket full of tears and I realized that it was okay to book this trip and Eevee would be fine.
This blog is scheduled to post our first Monday in Cancun. So, no I am not posting this while I'm in Mexico. I am hoping that in this moment I am truly enjoying our vacation. We are calling this our second honeymoon after all! And you know why? It's because I thought I was dying from a disease on our first honeymoon when really it was just anxiety and depression I was suffering from. I hope I am truly able to relax this honeymoon. Unlike our first honeymoon. I hope Eevee is okay without us; I'm probably worrying about her every day. But that's okay. That's more than anxiety and depression making me feel this way. That's love.
Well I hope you all are enjoying this much colder American weather while I am soaking in the Mexican weather as you read this! Please understand that even though someone, with a mental illness, takes a vacation it doesn't mean our anxiety and depression take a vacation as well! Adios!