• Kristina Cherep

Lost In My Head Instead Of Paradise

Updated: Apr 18, 2020

You can be in the most beautiful place in the world with the love of your life and still be lost in your head. Fun fact, my husband and I went on two honeymoons because the first one was disturbed by my mental illnesses. I wanted to enjoy the first one so bad, but I couldn’t get out of my head. However, there were still special moments where I was able to live in the moment. My husband helped me have some of these moments, but unfortunately my own thoughts were in control the rest of the time.

Almost a month after this, I was hospitalized. Honestly, it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I learned so much about myself and also learned that I wasn’t alone in my battles. I met all different kinds of people struggling from very similar things. It was refreshing.

There‘s a stigma behind mental heath hospitalization because from the outside it can sound like it’s a place for “crazy people”. However, from the inside it was a very beautiful place where people came together to make each other better. I’m not saying that my hospitalization was all rainbows and sunshine because it was not! There were lots of tears and uncomfortable moments when discovering myself. However, for the first time I remember feeling fully understood and accepted. Looking back on it now, I see that place as being my safe place.

I sometimes wish I had been hospitalized before my first honeymoon, but then I wouldn’t be exactly where I am today. Living in my own paradise instead of living in my head! It stinks looking back on all the moments I missed, but it’s great looking back on all the moments I didn’t miss because I asked for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help because once you do, you‘ll gain so many more memories in your future!

#nationalsuicidepreventionweek #stopsuicide