Updated: Apr 18
When I was a kid, I considered summer as my favorite season. I mean why not?! School's out and the pools are open! Between the ages of 7-18 my summers consisted of travel softball. Every weekend I would be out of town playing the sport that I loved. During the week we would have team practices and then also individual practices. Softball basically controlled my summers and I wasn't mad about it (for the most part!) because I was always around the same group of girls who I loved while doing the sport that I loved.
My anxiety has been a thing for pretty much my whole life, so even though I loved summer all of those years there was also a level of anxiety for me day to day. However, I truly think softball helped me manage my anxiety because it put me in high anxiety situations and allowed me to physically work through it. I also felt a sense of community backing me up thanks to my teammates.
Now two years post college, I don't feel the same way about summer. For multiple reasons. First off, I haven't had a great track record recently. Summer of 2016 led me to a hospitalization for my mental illnesses and Summer of 2017 led me to emergency therapy multiple times a week. Summer 2018 has treated me well so far, but it's not necessarily my favorite time of the year. I think part of me is missing that summer community I had growing up, but also my outlook on life has changed as well.
Now that I know it's okay to have bad mental health days, I assume the weather better match the way I'm feeling. When I'm having a bad day I want it to be raining, so I don't feel so alone. When it's raining during one of my bad days it makes me feel okay to be feeling the way I am. However, when it's a beautiful sunny summer day and I'm having a bad day, it makes me feel like the outside world is judging me. Anyone else feel this way too?!
We all have heard about the winter blues and that maybe has led us to keep an eye on our loved ones mental health more during that time. However, we need to be aware that people's harder seasons can be something other than winter. Also, don't feel ashamed to be having a crappy day when it's sunny and 75. Unfortunately, your mental health doesn't control the forecast, but it sure is nice when there's a coincidence of the two being aligned.