Weaning down could mean a lot of things when it comes to the mental health community. First thing I think of are medications, but that's for a different post. I'm talking about something that weaning down from it makes me feel excited, proud, but also scared as hell! I'm talking about therapy.
I remember starting this round of therapy and not even thinking about the ending of it. I was just relieved to be there. I remember asking my therapist many times if I would ever be back to normal again. She would say yeah, but it would take some time. I didn't believe her. My "old self" felt too distant to who I had become. However, I can proudly say 3+ months later, I'm not only back to my normal self, but I'm even a better version of myself. For many reasons.
This past week I walked into therapy and she looked at me and said "How are you feeling? You look great!!". That was something I hadn't heard from her before. I felt proud. Usually, our sessions consisted of a list of things I needed to talk about. Never having enough time to get it all in one hour. However, this past time was different. I had to really think about what I needed to work on. If you haven't figured it out yet, this is a good thing! I'm not saying I no longer have problems because I do. Everyone does.
By the end of the session, she pulled out her calendar and started talking about how eventually I would only have to see her every couple of months to check in. This brought a rush of emotions I was not ready for. I was excited because I felt like I conquered this, but also sad because I loved seeing her. And then terrified because I didn't want to run into situations that I would need her to help me with. I think she sensed every emotion I was feeling because she then comforted me by saying that I could text or call her still at anytime. She also reminded me of all the things I learned throughout this process to help me cope with problems.
I'm not sure why I didn't see this coming because I had already been weaning down from therapy gradually. When I first started this round, I saw her three times a week, then that became once or twice a week to every other week. We will keep on weaning down using this pattern until we get to seeing each other every other month. This is how I am weaning down from therapy and I wouldn't want to be doing it any other way!
This has really shown me that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hated hearing this saying when I was stuck in the dark because I thought I was trapped in it. However, I'm proud to say that I'm out of that dark tunnel and it was worth all the hard work I put into therapy.