• Kristina Cherep

Why Do People Kindness Shame?

I like to think of my self as a kind person. Not always kind, because is it even possible to be kind all the time? I’m not sure. What I am sure about though is that kindness is sometimes viewed as a weakness and inferior. I know this because I’ve been shamed for it.

This may sound like a weird concept because you would never think kindness was a “bad” thing. Or something that someone would be shamed for.

There’s the common phrase, “You’re too nice”, and it’s not usually used as a compliment. Most the times it’s used to give an excuse for why someone was able to be rude to you. I’ve been told that I was too nice and that I needed to toughen up and stick up for myself. And that I needed to get a little meaner. Which I get because sometimes I do run into the problem of people taking advantage of me. But not all the time.

In the moments where I don't feel taken advantage of, but instead disrespected is when the shaming is possible to happen. If I try my best to treat someone as nicely as I can I expect to be treated in a similar way. This may sound selfish of me, but it's common courtesy. Or maybe it's just unrealistic expectations..? When I am disrespected by someone after treating them kindly, sometimes the response is that I was too nice to that person and that person didn't deserve my kindness. The person saying this may not even realize that they shamed me for being kind to someone. Instead, what they could have said was something along the lines of the other person being rude and at fault. If someone is going to be shamed it should be the person who was disrespectful and not the person who was disrespected.

Kindness shouldn't be seen as inferior either. You know why? Because it takes a lot more effort to be kind to someone than to be rude to someone. Being rude to someone is being reactive to your own feelings. Being kind to someone is not only taking into consideration your feelings, but theirs as well. This is also similar to grudges. It takes a lot more strength to forgive someone for wrongdoing you than to hold a grudge with them. There is no reason for kindness to be inferior to rudeness.

This post kind of started off on me rambling on, but I hope it makes you view other people differently who choose kindness over hate. I also hope it makes you respond to kindness differently than you might have before reading this. Nothing good comes easy, which is why kindness takes a lot of hard work and patience.